Back on Track

Since I lost focus on my weight loss journey, I have had to recommit and refocus. And it is working! I am almost back to where I was last July, which was my lowest point, weight wise.

I got sidetracked with Zone Perfect bars and later just junk food and the holidays. It is so easy to lose focus. And of course, if something is good, well more of it must be better. Right? Wrong!

Sometimes I wonder if I really have it in me to lose weight. I am like a junkie when it comes to sugary, greasy foods. I try to introduce more colors into my diet, then I just don't feel hungry. I don't eat what was planned. This is where I mess up. I cannot plan my meals because I am a "what do I feel like eating" kind of person.

Back where I was last year at this time I was wondering if I should do the lap band thing or try again to curtail my sugar jones. I really don't want to do the lap band thing. Not just yet. So I will try again. Not starting over, that's not what this is about. It's about eating as well as I can... one day at a time.

And as long as I keep trying again there is hope. It's like a problem I need to solve. I'll just keep at it until I get it right.

The Sweetest Spot

 During my trikking history, I have found what seem to be many illusive sweet spots. Today was the ultimate! Firstly I should define the "sweet spot" for the non-trikking unfortunates out there.

The sweet spot refers to when all the trikking actions along with your body are working in unison to propel the Trikke forward. It is sort of spiritual with the right and left brain functioning at the same time and crossing meridians and such. I don't have those details down yet.

So back to the bike path. I have been really fighting with the Trikke. That is not the way to ride. I was trikking in this hula-hoop fashion which feels like a circle eight of the body. I was really working it. And it was working me. Unbelievably,  there were sweet spots within that framework. That is the magic of the Trikke.

I watched a video on YouTube that showed me a different way to ride, the correct way. I should be "pulling" the trike from side to side across the front of my body. And while doing that, turning the handlebars from side to side, almost slightly.

It is momentum in action. I turn and whip the Trikke around that centrifugal force field. And whip around again. I don't have to work so hard, and I now know where the rock and roll in the slogan comes from. It all works so well when you work it right.

Procrastination is a dirty word

My middle name is Procrastinator. If I can put a chore off, well, I do. There are so few things in my world that need immediate attention. And so a very bad habit has developed.

And yet this cannot continue. Things are piling up around my ears. If I don't stop procrastinating I will drop into the much scarier world of hoarding.

The prospect of becoming a hoarder has made me more aware of my bad habit of putting everything off. It's a vicious cycle. There is something that is so sad about hoarders. And yet, I am beginning to understand the illness.

It springs from the feeling of "not enough." I can understand the feeling of not enough. I come from that family. I was conditioned to believe there was not enough from an early age. My mother confided in me as a child. "Where are we going to get the money for...?" was a familiar theme. And then she would lite another cigarette.

As an adult, I function under the prospect of not enough. There certainly is not enough money to last a month. And from that, all else springs. With that in mind, I tend to hold onto things I may need in the future. The thing is, I never seem to need exactly what I save.

Now is the time to take that leap of faith. I can let go of some of my unused items. I will be able to provide everything I need. And I have everything I need right now, in this moment.

And so a new goal is born -- winter cleaning!

Resolution for 2011 -- set goals!

My new year's resolutions will have nothing to do with being a better person or to stop smoking -- after all, I already quit smoking last year, which made me a better person. My resolutions will be much more specific than that. So is that a goal then?

I could resolve to eat better, but my goal is to lose weight. Or, I could resolve to get outside more, but my goal of trikking often would get that done. And when I  trikke, I really am enjoying the great outdoors to the fullest.

So, which do I do? Announce my resolutions, or set my goals?

Goals are more than resolutions. Goals are something we plan out and tackle one little bit at a time. The plan is charted out and the road is mapped. Goals are something we look at daily, and check off each step along the way.

Resolutions are much broader and are a very public thing. We boast about them during the holidays. And resolutions give us reason to splurge until January one. "I'll eat now and make a resolution at the beginning of the year."

Goals are much more private. Plus, we don't boast about setting a goal, we only boast when achieving that goal. So goals are more personal than resolutions.

And we all know that resolutions last only as long as the crowds in the gym.

To Those I've Snubbed

Back in the day, when I was young, beautiful and thin, I was very unapproachable. I watched, as a child, those old movies from the 1930's when women rebuffed the advances of men. Back when women were hard to get. Unfortunately, I never learned that was just fiction.

In real life I was one lonely, beautiful, young and thin woman. Guys didn't respond like in the movies. If I didn't smile at them, well, they didn't think, "oh, challenge." They thought "oh, bitch," and moved on to the next less beautiful yet friendly woman. I would think he's just not the one. Or I would console myself with "I'm out of his league" and I would go on to refuse to dance with the next guy who asked.

This all hit home for me the other day when I was talking to someone I thought was cute. He was not interested, he wouldn't even look me in the eyes as we spoke. Well, I thought, he could have at least been nice.

The years have leveled the playing field. I realize with my now imperfect packaging that even though someone might not have the best look, great gifts come in all kinds of wrappings.

Silly Willa

There is something about a paper bag...

... that makes Jake want to get
cozy.

My Friend, the Diet

I have decided to befriend the diet. I may as well. If I want to get anywhere with my weight loss goal, I must befriend the diet. There are no options. If I want to lose weight I must play by her rules. Period.

I have tried eating healthier foods--protein bars instead of candy bars, yogurt instead of ice cream and nuts instead of chips, etc., etc. Yet it all comes down to counting calories. I can exercise all day long, but if I don't cut calories my efforts are for naught.

With all that said I must also admit that I have been eating myself into plateau land. I have been hovering around 250 for four or five months now. The truth is I am not on a plateau, I am eating too many calories! I'm tired of it.

I am also tired of shopping for a few healthy alternatives then blow the effort by eating them all in one night. Yes, in one night. That won't work well even with healthier options.

I have come to realize that I can eat banana splits all day as long as it's under 1800 calories per day. I just won't feel my best. So, the only secret to losing weight is 1800 calories a day. There are some "buts" though.

Eat 1800 calories BUT only 30% should be from fats. Eat 1800 calories BUT get enough protein BUT it's got to be lean protein. Eat from the food pyramid BUT be careful of servings from the upper levels of the pyramid. It always comes down to that.

In my opinion, people who are overweight are diet masters, they just don't act on what they know. I'm crossing over to the other side. I'm ready for the next level of thin-ness to take over my life. I'm ready for the next step, which is (can you guess?) no more than 1800 calories per day!

I will refocus on my diet/food plan and I will report it here... I am now a friend of the diet. And she is a friend to me.

My (Black) Birdie, my T8

I have not reported on my new T8 at all, and I've been riding it for over a month now. It took a few weeks to get used to, but now that I am the master, all things are well. I must admit that this is one of the best purchases I have ever made. Not only does it reaffirm my commitment to losing weight, but as a friend said it's a fountain of youth for me. And it is.

Not only do I do eight miles on a regular basis, but just getting out in the sunshine is good for my soul. It is good to see familiar faces on the streets. I get lots of smiles and questions, and sometimes that's a pain, but it's worth the risk to be one of the only females to trikke on a regular basis in Long Beach. I am an example. I am a role model for the idea that it's never too late.

The T8 is like driving with power steering. It is so easy to glide around on. I'm really glad I had the T78 for the first year so that I could fully appreciate this model. It has made me a better Trikker.

And so, I live for sunny days. I live for days with soft breezes. I live to trikke. With all that in mind, my life has improved -- from watching TV all day on the couch to watching the weather report so as to figure what trail would be best for that particular day. Thank you Trikke. Thank you (Black) Birdie.

My Favorite Quotes

Often, my favorite quotes come from songs, not books. Even though Nietzsche or Baudelaire (go ahead, insert your favorite philosopher or poet here) have a corner on the market, for me, songs contain some pretty intriguing subjects. "So stick out your can, cuz' I'm the garbage man," by  Lux Interior of the Cramps is a great standby. Not only does it say something about me, but it also shows you how obscure my musical tastes run.

Another favorite, from the Chameleons (UK), "Time will make a ghost of us all." Although not uplifting, it is a reality with which I cannot escape.

Almost every song has a line or lines that are profound or inspiring. A new favorite is by 3oh!3, called "My first kiss." It's just so graphic I love it, "Your kiss is like whiskey, it gets me drunk, and I wake up in the morning with the taste of your tongue." Yummy!

Marilyn Manson's "beautiful people" comes to my mind when I am trying to get around some fool walking on the trikke path. "There's no time to discriminate, hate every motherfucker that's in your way." I know, it sounds cruel, but sometimes these fools need mowing down. Plus, who would think I listen to Manson in the first place?!

So now to redeem myself, I will share a quote from Simon and Garfunkel "you read your Emily Dickinson and I my Robert Frost, and we note our place with book markers that measure what we've lost." I love the way that sounds.

That is the way poetry works. Maybe the exact meaning cannot be grasped but the sound of it is pleasing. It is understood on some level that may not be a conscious level. The heart understands, not the brain.

In this way lyrics are very much like poetry and are quite quotable. So next time someone asks about my favorite quote I may be stealing from Lady Gaga when I answer "I like it rough."