Frankenstein in the dark

I feel like a failure. I have no words. Haven't for weeks. I have not been walking, Trikking, living, for a few weeks due to my pain level. I thought getting old was not for the weak of heart and now I am convinced of it. I love walking, Trikking, activity. I am afraid of taking time off and slipping back to the level that I was at in Sept. '08. I don't want to start over, and yet my pain level is at a 7-8, as soon as I stop. Maybe that's the answer, don't stop!

I must admit that I am afraid of the pain. It's like Frankenstein in the dark. It hides around corners and then jumps out at me when I stop moving. I've got to just face it head on. I have meds, a TENS unit and ice, the 20th century equivalent of torches, clubs and local villagers. I will fight the beast, and I will conquer!

Not only have I been inactive, but I also have been eating my frustrations away. I have gained weight. But I did, after all, stop smoking. So something incredible has happened during the last three months. But it's time to move on. I'm going Trikkin' today, yeah!

A different kind of layover

I have been sidelined from my Trikke for some time now. I am so frustrated with my right knee. It feels ok and then I get on my Trikke. Maybe my knee is not strong enough for the ride. Have I spent way too much time on my ass?

I enjoy walking and so I guess I'm back to walking. OK, I'm cross training... Or something like that. Yet, I want my Trikke (said like a child having a tantrum)!!!!! What do other athletes do when sidelined from their main sport, cry? Waaaahh........

Walking for me is like getting back to basics. I don't have to worry about hitting the sidewalk at a wrong angle or having to maneuver around pedestrians on said sidewalk. It's safer, no fear factor. I can't even remember back to when I have fallen while walking. Not for 1/2 century or so. (What the F...?! & YIKES!)

But walking is not as much fun as my beloved Trikke, Birdie. This would be a perfect place to go off on a tangent about how great the Trikke is but not now, I've got to get ready for a walk.

Here I am again

I am still breathing, my eyes are open and I am upright, well sitting, just not laying about. I have watched a lot of TV, movies and the inside of my eyelids. I have been out for a few weeks. Part injury, part illness, part bipolar.

I have missed Birdie, my Trikke, the most though. I have not been active for a few weeks and I have lost some of my strength. But that will come back quickly enough, right?

I don't feel very creative or like I have to convey something today, just wanted to have a post in November.

Dreaming of Cambering

It seems like all I have talked about, regarding my Trikke, is falling from it. Well that can happen with anything, from skates, to bikes, to new shoes. I haven't spent much time on why I risk injury in the first place. I think it started in High School...

I went to Huntington Beach High School, and my best friend went to Edison, on the other side of HB. We would meet at the pier after school every day and admire the surfers. Later, I would watch them ride their bikes like they rode a wave, curving and cutting back into the imaginary wave. An "S" shape that continued block after block. I learned to ride my bike like that and it was fun, leaning into the curve.

That was the first thing I thought when I saw my friend StanLe on his new Trikke. That and rollerskating, the other thing I loved doing as a kid.

One of the things I thought of incessantly while on the couch last week was getting back to Trikkin'. The longer I stayed on the couch, the more I would have to work to get back to where I was 5 minutes before the fall. Still, every little bruise, scab or sore muscle made me feel stronger and younger and more athletic than I had for years, 20+ years. So let's just face it, having fun is dangerous... And it's worth the risk!!
photo by Randy Boyd

Tripped over my Trikke again

I have been out Trikking lately and ignoring my blogging duties. But there was an incident Saturday afternoon and now I am out of commission for a few days. So, hello.

StanLe and I were going up Ocean Blvd and the sidewalk was uneven. My tire got stuck against that inch or so wall where the slabs do not meet. I was curving from the left to the right. The Trikke stopped curving, I didn't.

My second trip to the cement was slow and drawn out, not like the blackout of my first fall. I saw a woman in a car at the curb. She was smoking a cigarette. The car door was open. It was an old car. Boom, my knees hit, then my wrists, then my head, Boom.

I rolled over onto my back. I was screaming for my knee this time, not my nose. I heard a woman's voice say "I've done that a thousand times." Then she asked "are you ok?"

Thankfully I was. There was no blood this time. I was so glad to have heard her say she had fallen like that a few times. And StanLe confirming. As StanLe reminded me, "You're an athlete now, it's a sports injury -- ice and elevate." I've been on the couch ever since.

Am I taking this too far? No one said "be careful" to me that day.

photo by Randy Boyd

Birdie and Me

My new best friend, "Birdie" just got back from a ride recently. It was 5-6 miles round trip. It was a blast! Birdie is just so much fun to play with.

She takes me places I wouldn't normally go. I see things I wouldn't normally see. I move quickly through people, places and things. And she almost never complains.

Birdie is my new Trikke. The learning curve on this baby is short. After a few short trials, I am blazing trails I would never have blazed. And I am traveling much farther than the 1/2 block I was traveling last month. Much Farther! Sometimes I just go. It doesn't matter where, cuz Birdie is such fun. I don't even care if it's windy out there -- we've got to carve!!

Under the curse of "be careful!!"

My mother use to plague me with "be careful, dear" throughout my exploratory years. I got a pair of skates, which came with a "be careful, dear." And so I was. I was so afraid of skinning my knee that I couldn't skate backwards. This comes up a lot now because of "Birdie" my new Trikke. After my trip over the handlebars on my first outing, I still get a little nervous.

I was going out to carve the other day and two of my neighbors said, as I was walking through the lobby, "be careful!" I was spooked. I had decided if I got one more warning that I would turn around and at the foot of the TV, pull the covers over my head.

Well, nothing happened that day. I did think of my cousin Theresa. We never really met, I was a few months old and she was 5. Our families were together visiting our grandparents and Theresa rode her bike into the street, was hit by a car, flew 50 feet and broke her neck. She died in the street that day.

I grew up under the shadow of a dead girl. "Be careful, dear" was a real warning, based in muscle memory. It was an admonistration, a mantra to remind me of what might happen in one fast moment. It was a name put on a curse. "If you do something even a little unsafe you might be wiped off the face of the world. Sit still"

I've decided to shut my mother's voice up! I won't sit still anymore. Carve Diem is the new mantra!
photo by Randy Boyd

Fast Woman

Megan Fox makes me want to jump into the dyke end of the pool. She makes me wonder about dicks and twats and what sexuality is really all about. So what is it all about dare I ask? When I am surrounded by lesbians I start questioning my sexuality. When I'm around interesting men I have no questions, (interesting is the important word here). Is it like my friend StanLe says, are we just sexual, not straight or bi or gay?

I like the thought of being sexual, not putting a label on it. Don't we have enough labels as it is? I have been surprised by men who identify with being gay saying they consider themselves bisexual really, they just mostly dated men. Is there such a thing as straight-curious?

Why is it that when society freely explores its sexuality the elders think it's the fall of civilization? And if my straight friends read this, will they become uncomfortable being alone with me? No need to be unless you look like Megan Fox.

So, I have no answers, only questions, at this point. What a good way to see if anyone is reading this blog!

Happy Birthday to ME

Well today's the day I turn 53. Yikes! Lately I've been feeling 35. I think we all have a physical age and a mental age, you know the age we are inside our head. The age that dictates how we dress or act. So I'm 35, it's a good age, not too old or young for that matter.

I was very successful at 35. I had nice clothes, nice car, nice address. That was a long time ago. Back then I think I was mentally 73. I had nice things but the inside of my head was all messed up. I was steering towards a head-on crash with myself. I don't like to remember the old days. I just want the number.

So today I reclaim 35 for myself, and I will work hard at keeping the years at bay. That means eating well, exercising like the devil's on my ass, playing with friends and sleeping long. Oh, and taking my meds.

So happy birthday to me!
Photo by Randy Boyd

I got my Trikke!!!

Well, the day finally came and I got my Trikke!

I feel about seven years old again. Everyone I have eye contact with feels the same way. I am so visible on this toy. And I don't care.

It is a very hard workout, getting going. It's a lot of upper body strength, which I have none of and yet always wanted for survival in the urban wilds. After two days I'm already going 1/2 block then I just loose steam and momentum. But that 1/2 block is kick-ass fun!

I definitely forget that I am 52+ when I am maneuvering this thing. I look at it like my fountain of youth. I can't wait to be going around the block, or grocery shopping or to my doctor's appointments with this thing. I can't wait to be just cambering along the ocean bike trail at sunset. All these things are in my grasp. The possibilities run through my bulging fingers from the pool of my hand. Or something like that. I didn't mean to get all deep and shit. I just couldn't help myself.

So back to my Trikke. I wonder what her name should be. She is a matte blue, I think very unusual and understated like me (well that's what I suspect anyway). Maybe The Terror of Upper Pine, Age slayer, Fat Buster, Dream Catcher or even just Zoey. I'll figure it out eventually. Updates to come...
photo by Randy Boyd