"So Happy I Could Die"

This is a song title by Lady GaGa that struck a chord with me. Her version is about her "addiction monster." My first thoughts were far from that.

I remember a day in Jr. High when I had a hall pass for some reason or other and I ran into my "omg, if-he-talks-to-me-I'll-just-die" crush -- Craig Lunsford. He was cruising the halls without a pass as usual.

I don't know why but he stopped me and we had a conversation. He was nice and I forgot my quietness and chubbyness. I remember thinking that if I died right at that moment, I would be complete."So happy I could die."

This is a concept that has puberty all over it. Those years when everything was at a high pitch and immediate response was not soon enough. And yet being "so happy..." has a timelessness to it. All those insecurities and fears are dimmed.

I recently added the song to my play list. Yesterday it came on and I thought of Craig Lunsford. I remembered that feeling of utter fulfillment, a feeling of completeness that a teenage girl gets from a teenage boy. Back then it carried me away.

It's been a few decades since a teenage boy started my heart racing. My trikke carries me away these days. "So happy I could die" now has to do with the wind in my hair, the warm sun on my skin, the completeness that fuels my trikke and me to go forward.