Fitness Challenged

I have been on the diet roller coaster for a few months now. I'm trying to lose as much weight as safely possible by my 55th b-day. I am still hovering around 250, a number I cannot seem to break. What does 250 pounds mean to me?

When I originally gained the weight back in 1993, it was to protect myself. It was also due to a depression so deep I had to feed it like a monster come out of the closet. The only thing that got me through the day was the taste of a dozen doughnuts or a fruit pie. I no longer need the extra poundage and it's become another form of monster to get rid of.

Ok, that's the why of it, so where is the why not, as in why not drop the weight? I am around a lot of people right now and yet I don't feel threatened. I feel small. Is that why I feel the need to be so "artificially" big? There are more questions than answers.

In my weight loss challenge in TrikkeWorld Magazine I have decided to go back to the simple act of exercising and consuming fewer calories than I burn. The KISS method, as in keep it simple sweetie, is my best bet. What is it about me that returns to militant to get the pounds off?

So I'm easing up on myself and trikking more. Those are very important pieces to the puzzle of losing weight. Oh, and eating less with no unscheduled in-between snacking. No eating my way through a TV session anymore. No filling myself with artificial means to reach that empty pit in the center of my soul, (isn't that after all what this whole issue is really about?).

I'm going to start the visualizing as well. I'll see myself at lower weights, more comfortable weights. I'll see myself carving farther and stronger. I'll see myself with less pain. I'll see myself fly...