I just wanted to share an experience I had last night with my friend, Sharon. She again asked me what my 5 year plan would be and I had an Oprah moment (you know that "ah-haaa" thing).
Once again, I couldn't come up with anything like a career plan or whatever, but I got very passionate about one topic. I could feel my face lighting up when I blurted, "I can only see that I feel like the luckiest person on the planet. I have free time to do what I want, and I want to get a trikke and just ride it all over Long Beach, spending days just exploring the beach areas, and getting slimmer at the same time."
And that was enough. I didn't feel like I had to try to change the world or create a new cancer cure or write the great American novel or become a millionaire. I saw myself just BEING. I've got to wonder if this is a human thing, this having to make a mark on the world, or if it's just my thing. But I can let it go and just be alive.
And I have this guilt that because I am being sponsored by my social security fund, that I must feel sick to warrant it. Or appear sick, whatever that looks like. But the way I understand it, Bipolar illness is a tricky, sloppy beast. Best to keep us medicated and calm. Please don't misunderstand, my drug regimen is sacred, I would never stop taking my meds, even when I feel good. That's why I feel good.
And getting a Trikke will make me feel really good!
