Wow it's been a month

I have not posted in a month and all I can say is that I have been sick, tired and sleeping crazy hours. I will fall asleep watching a movie in the afternoon and then not wake up until early evening. I think maybe I'm just tired, but I haven't been exercising as much, so what have I got to be tired about? Oh yeah, I'm old.

I'm Old

The other day I was watching a movie and was shocked at the volume my TV was set at. It was the beginning of the movie when the music is swirling to its crescendo and I was rushing to the volume control.
I remembered every parent, aunt and grandparent who took me to a movie as a child, complained about the volume in the theatre. Every concert that I went to with an older person, there was a complaint about the music being too loud. As a teen, I was always told to "turn the music down".
And now, here I am, complaining about the volume being too loud. It was then that I realized, if I complain about the volume at a movie theatre or in my home -- I might be OLD.

Abundance, prosperity and perspective

The other day I was devastated because I bounced a check. It would cost me $33 for a stupid mistake. I was waiting for a refund to be credited and didn't expect it to take 10 days to get to my account. Then I hit a wrong button on ebay and whoops, I'm overdrawn! But I guess that's why checks bounce, because of stupid mistakes.
All I could think about was that stupid $33, and is it worth a day to be miserable, for $33? No it is not.
It is then that I shifted my perspective. I started looking at all that I get for free, (my health care, my monthly SSDI check) all that is available for free (the beach, the pets, the sunshine). And I am bitching about $33!!
It's like being present at a feast and only focusing on a strawberry that was a bit soft. Or, like listening to the rain outside and getting cranky that the heater is too loud to hear better. It's like being a little brat because I didn't get more when I am already getting more that a lot of folks.
I think this was an "ah-ha" moment.
Later that day, the refund hit my account, that check that bounced will not bounce again, and Yes, I will be more careful in the future to not play "jeopardy" with any of my bank accounts again.
And so it is...

Why I haven't written

I have a friend who has AIDS. He is like a brother to me, he's one of my best friends. Last week he had the flu. He was afraid he would die, which was in the realm of possibility. His temp for a week was over 100 degrees. And all I could do is walk his dog, Boomer. It is one of those things that pet lovers with AIDS must have, a friend to take care of the dog while they're busy trying not to die.
It truly was a helpless situation, but I helped, I walked the dog. I also let him cry. I didn't offer platitudes about how fine he would be next week, or offer this as a learning experience. I was just there.
I was concerned last week for my friend, yet the reality of this situation did not hit me until yesterday when he was able to take the dog walking chores back. He could have died. This strong gay man, with legs like iron, with muscle-ly arms and flat stomach. Maybe that is why he didn't die, this time.
The "AIDS monster" as he calls it, reared its ugly head and was defeated this time. Maybe we should demote AIDS to non-capitalization status, such as "aids", although it is still a BIG monster. But today, the monster has been slain! Here's to you, LIFE!

"I use to be..."

I have recently noticed my senior friends repeating these words over and over again, "I use to be..." followed by one of these identifiers; a lawyer's assistant, a swinging single or beautiful.
I showed Sharon (the swinger) a photograph of me at my 30th birthday party. It's my favorite photo of myself, one which I have pasted in the back of my mind as to how I still look today.
Yes, I am the one who use to be beautiful. Back then I thought of beauty as an accessory I wore on occasions like work or a date. It was something I didn't give much value to, because I had it, and because I valued intellect more.
Well, today I value beauty more, maybe because I have the intellect. Is this another instance of the grass being always greener over there?
Oh, and by the way, Sharon has a photo where she looked really beautiful too.

I love eBay

I can hardly go onto eBay without purchasing something. I can get fresh vegetable bags, 14kt rings and water filters cheaper than WalMart. Everything I buy I check out eBay first. Snuff bottles from china, art deco rings from England or a candy thermometer. And most of these things are under $5.
The next part is more fun. The purchases start arriving. One yesterday, another tomorrow, it's like presents falling from the sky, or from the USPS. I really like getting packages in the mail. I even forget what I ordered and then WOW, another package.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention the shipping and handling charges. They can bring my 14kt gold ring from $.01 to $10 in an instant. But this like everything must be in balance. I still think that my 14kt gold ring is worth the $10 I bought it for.
Just be warned...

The other side of the expiration date.

I sometimes live on the other side of the expiration date. This means that sometimes food, and aspirin and vitamins have recently expired but I am still taking them because I cannot afford throwing them away yet. I even have cat food from an organization that helps supply me with food for my little pretty ones, that is expired. I would worry but they give this food to hundreds of clients and there are no problems.
Of course, I would never drink milk that is expired or any other "fresh" food source. But canned goods or maybe even frozen goods -- past expiration... canned veggies -- past expiration... canned fruit -- past expiration... unopened ketchup -- well, you get it...
I wouldn't suggest this for those of you who can afford to keep their cupboards up to date, but with this economy I think I will continue pushing past the expiration date for a few more months.

It is true that when you get older things get past your radar. I just got done fighting a charge from Acai berry supplement. I canceled the trial and they still charged me $78! That is almost 10% of my monthly income! I must say that I was freaked out (does this date me?). Well they were charging $78 a month to receive the supplements and they dropped it down to $18!!!! WOW, talk about what the market will bear!
I really had to get that off my mind. I am pleased with the $18 cost because I like the acai berry by capsule. Along with my ionized water and colon cleanse I am feeling more energetic, and lighter I might add.
Well today there is no moral I have learned, but I did learn something about bargaining!
I'm going off to the dispensary as soon as my account is credited, and I will be checking on that hourly!

advantages of getting old

Although there are a few advantages of getting old, the one that stands out for me is the fact that old people get the best drugs. It's unfortunate that we need the drugs in the first place. And yet I am happy about medical marijuana (MM). If ever one was looking for that silver lining... Anyway, after reading some posts about buying the old fashioned way -- on the street -- I am grateful (no, not blessed, a subject for a later post). I am grateful to always have access to the best I can afford.
I must add that MM helps a great deal with my fibromyalgia pain. I take a lot less Norco when I have access to MM. It's always best to go green!

Getting old with computer issues

I have not posted for a few days because I have had major computer issues. I still cannot find out how to get volume, (which is why I undertook this project to begin with). So in trying to fix that issue, a friend and I wiped out the computer and started over again from scratch. It solved a few problems, but still no volume. We should have checked out his speakers first, he brought them over for that reason. But we didn't, we smoked some sativa first. Talk about making a small problem more challenging. Yet it ended up being the best thing we could have done. It only took about eight hours to reinstalling all my programs and favorites. I now understand the computer a bit more and have pushed back dementia for a few more months.
That's the way I look at things from the other side of 50 years old.