Grannies with Herpes

I know they're out there. I'm almost-granny-aged and I've got them. Who knew they spread like sparks in a Santa Ana wind. Estimates were said to be 30% infected in the 1980's. We thought they spread from small fiery opal blisters. But no -- anytime, anywhere.

They don't spread on toilet seats. Can't get 'em in a pool. You don't need a passport to get them, just be out of condoms. It only takes once. And once they come, they stay like an unwanted friend on the couch.

Wow, how many little herpes soldiers did I disperse during my herky jerky sexual nights, when all it took was someone interested in hearing a poem I wrote. And of course some Stoli. All I can say is "sorry, guys."

So how many grandpas out there have the sores? I will never be able to look an older man in the eyes again...