I Picture

I Picture
my seduction
in slow motion.
I want to prolong your kiss,
I don't want to miss your tousle with my bra.
We'll tumble into bed
arms knotted, lips tied, tongues entwined.
I meant to say "no"
until you unzipped my dress.
Then I threw my "no" out the window
like a brick.

Even though we tear down clothing
we aren't really naked.
Like carpenters who work together
yet build separately
we move people in between us
like walls.

Doug

Doug buys our drinks at the Rex
after an eight-year absence.
He still wears topsiders and
drinks Chivas on the rocks.
The only difference --
his wife drinks with him.

We sat in the parking lot after work,
windows fogged, just talking.
I was 18 pretending to be 21,
and he was entering law school.

Doug comes over to tell me
how beautiful I am at 26,
and that he can't use his law degree.
His wife buys our second round and
tells him it's time to go home.
She looks at me as if I would steal her purse.

Taking One for the Team

Today I have to go to my pain management doctor for a shot in my knee. The last one was very uncomfortable and there was pain. Enough to make me nervous thinking about it. If it helps the pain in my knee at all it will be worth it. But it might not help either. Remember, doctors practice medicine after all. All I can think about is that I need to take one for the team. My team, JT's and her Trikke's team.

I guess we can judge our adult-ness by facing situations like this one, especially needing to relax while very uncomfortable. "It's gonna hurt, so relax!", the doc says. HA! I'm a baby when it comes to this stuff. I squeal, hunch up, tense up and let the doc know how I feel about what he says is "uncomfortable." When they use that word, well, it's like when I take out the pet carrier for Jake. May as well stay under the bed, he isn't coming out.

So I must offer up my knee to the gods for sacrifice. It's not a virgin knee, but it will do. I can then add this to the list of knee work and go on to the next procedure if needed. Boy, what I won't do to trikke longer and harder.

Does Weight Loss While Sick Count?

I have been sick all week, I fell last Sunday with something I had been fighting the previous week. So I went to the Doctor yesterday and found out I have a sinus infection. Not my first, so I understand why I have felt so lousy. And yet when I got on the scale I had lost another 5 pounds!! Well, I know I've hardly eaten all week but some of it has got to count. I always have to say to the nurse, "up one more" to that 50 pound marker. Not anymore. I still have two more 50 pound chunks to go, but that will come with time.

I am amazed that no matter what I do I keep losing weight. I don't think I am eating my best, and another 2-3 pounds come off. Don't misunderstand. I have completely changed the way I eat, and I love eating more healthfully. I exercise and drink lots of water. I'm doing everything right, and it works!! I still overeat at night, so that effects how much I lose, but I'm not in a hurry. I don't want to have to lose these pounds twice.

So even though some of the five pounds will come back, I probably can forget a few of them. Isn't science wonderful? Eat the right things and you will lose weight. They said it would be like this.

How Many Shoes Does It Take?

I am on my third pair of shoes. Breaking Trikke shoes in is a bitch, especially if I am in the middle of trikking and my feet start to hurt. Not only am I far from home when the pain starts, but I don't want to go home either.

My ugly shoes (previous post) are hopeless, being made with a mixture of rubber and suede. They are too tight at the side of my toe, and the material won't budge, not even 1/4 inch.

My second pair (above), are like deck shoes that were said to be like crocs, but aren't. The only thing croc-like about them is that they are anti-bacterial. I finally broke down and got a conventional pair of shoes, Danskins, (below). They are ugly only because they aren't Sketchers. They don't give me the closeness to the foot deck that I like while trikking. And the bottoms of my feet still hurt.

It is probably because I hold onto the handlebars with a death grip that only my feet can compete with. For some reason I don't relax my feet while trikking. I thought at first I was trying to go faster than my fitness level permits, but it might be the shoes. Or so the lady at Payless suggested. She said it had something to do with support.

I have noticed that when I start the kick-off with the right foot, (while traveling), if I don't stay flat-footed there, my foot stays relaxed. I have also noticed if I just take it easy and stop trying to go as fast as a bike, I don't handle the bars with the aforementioned death-grip. Maybe if I take it easier I'll be able to trikke longer. After all, what is my hurry? I live in urban heaven here in Downtown Long Beach, CA. And Summer is coming...



And so my quest for the perfect shoe continues...



Nike -- any ideas?

Jake, the Master of the Nap

The Slowest Striptease

I'm still trikking, and eating well. I am still losing weight. And every pound is a new thrill. Every week I am able to unpeel another layer, like an onion.

I kind of wondered if each pound or two would be as exciting as the first pound or two, and the answer is YES, every pound, ounce or gram is exciting and fulfilling. After all, I fought for each pound lost.

I am finding that my esteem is growing. I cannot help looking in windows as I pass by, each week looking better than the last. And even though I have lost only 21 pounds, my body has changed by leaps and pounds... I mean bounds.

Breaking news... I have lost a total of six inches overall, so far. I am so proud of myself! I need a reward. It used to boggle my mind that a reward would be anything but food. Yet now I am picking out things that have nothing to do with something I put in my mouth.

I now think a smaller size t-shirt is an amazing reward. I also think things like flowers and shoes and music are all satisfying. So many ways it's no trouble thinking them up. Like this reward right now... a Trikke ride. Bye!!

Another Seven Down!!

I'm the most surprised woman on the planet right now. I lost another 7 pounds!! I think the answer is my Trikke. After a few hours on Birdie and it doesn't matter what I eat. When I am actively trikking my weight just goes down.

I complain that my scale is not moving, and then I trikke a couple of days. I must apologize to the scale. Even though I have had clues along the way, opening to having a suspicion, to then having it proved to me. Again. And again. I finally get it. "YEAH! Another 'X' pounds!" I am now in the weight range for my T78 air.

On TrikkeTalk.com, the place for all things Trikke, I found a survey asking how many miles I trikke a week. It made me realize how many miles I cover, another surprise! I usually go 3-5 miles per outing, and I trikke about 3-4 times per week so that averages up to 20 miles a week. That is when I'm feeling well. I was discouraged at first when reading about other Trikkers who do that in a day!

"I am so full of myself!" I thought.

When I finally got over myself, I realized I was doing more than I thought. This attitude of "not enough" is a familiar theme. In college I didn't study enough, I didn't write enough, yet graduated with a high 3 point GPA in my major's classes. At work I didn't make enough calls, and made $42,000+ per year (in 1990's money), always could have done more...

I have thought I wasn't enough for 53+ years, and it takes my Trikke to make me acknowledge that I accomplish much more that I realize. More than I give myself credit for even. 7 pounds worth of credit, BABY! Thank you Trikke. Thank you JT.

With My Last Few $$ I Bought Romaine

Things really are changing around here. I'm doing what "they" say to do. I'm cutting down on fats, I'm making better choices when I snack, and the other day I spent my last few dollars on romaine. I have never spent my last few dollars on any kind of green food.

I used to spend my money on ice cream and candy bars. For a while I was only eating butter lovers popcorn, 5 bags a day. I have had a love affair with junk food, going way back.

My mother used to shut me up with candy when I was a baby. I used to spend my allowance on candy bars. When I became diabetic I still couldn't kick my sugar/fat habit. I figured sugar to me is what alcohol was to my parents. And they died because of it. Am I resigning myself to die from a sugar related illness?

I don't think so. The other day I reached for an apple instead of some other form of edible crap. And I enjoyed it! I have a new found love for Gala apples. And dinner is never served without a huge salad, that I estimate to be about 3 servings of veggies. Instead of candy bars I eat protein bars, instead of ice cream I eat yogurt and for something crunchy I eat nuts.

It was a few days before pay day and all I had was about $7 on me. I went to the store because I ran out of salad fixings! So I bought romaine. When I stopped at the cash register, I was blown away. I really have changed my lifestyle.

It's only a matter of time before my body catches up.

Weight Loss, Oops!

I have not been writing about my weight loss lately, mostly because I lost focus for a few weeks. But that's ok, because I've got until 9/17/2011. This is my goal date, to be close to 175 lbs., or under. So I am going to get my focus back and stop eating more than 1800 calories a day.

I read an article that said to focus on three things that will help your weight loss success. So for this week I am focusing on NOT eating a days worth of calories after dinner, protein every four hours, and stretching after exercise.

Even though this is not the most widely read blog on the net, it helps me stay accountable to myself to read and write these words. And I feel like writing about this every week is too much and once a month is not enough, so maybe every other week would be better. I'll try it and see what happens.

Here's to strength and focus!